Countdown to Extreme
Rules: ER 2009 review
By Ben Smith
Match #1: Kofi Kingston vs William Regal vs MVP vs Matt
Hardy
This was a terrible way to open up the show. First of all I
don’t know what is so “extreme” about a fatal 4 way, but I guess WWE sees any
non singles/tag match as an extreme match. The horrible thing about this was
that Kofi dominated most of the match and the two guys I like in this match
(Regal and Hardy) barely got any offense in outside of a few cookie cutter
moves, most of the time they were just punching bags for Kofi’s sloppy moves.
The way this 4 way was booked was terrible too, basically two guys go at it
while two others are hurt outside the ring, then one of them knocks out one of the guys in the
ring and the process continues, its lazy booking and it dragged down the match.
Then Kofi won, lol this match somehow just got even worse, somehow his terrible
spotty moveset used to be even worse, who knew. Awful match with terrible
booking, please WWE if you’re going to do a four way don’t make it just a
rotating singles match, that is so damn boring.
Rating: *
Match #2: Rey Mysterio vs Chris Jericho in a No holds barred
match
Oh shit I didn’t know we were going to get a match from this
amazing 09 feud, hopefully this is on the level of their other matches, can’t
remember if this one was good but I’ll assume it is. This completely lived up
to expectations and them some. This match was almost the polar opposite of the
subpar opener in that it flowed perfectly and didn’t feel too structured. The
counters by Rey and Jericho were so unique and the story they told in the ring
of Rey doing anything he could do to keep the fans from seeing his face
resulted in him losing the match. Jericho was such an amazing heel in this,
just being the biggest asshole in the ring and him yanking off the mask in the
middle of countering the 619 from Rey was awesome, just made the crowd hate him
so much. Funny think was that a good 85% of the crowd was cheering for Rey but
the 3-4 guys in front of the camera HATED him and booed every time Rey would
hit a move. So Jericho gets the win and the IC title, not to mention the mask.
I’m going to need to check out the rest of their series because this one was
just so fun to watch.
Score: ***3/4
Match #3: CM Punk vs Umaga in a Samoan Strap match
So what is the difference between a Samoan Strap and a
regular strap? Fun fact: pretty sure this was Umaga’s last WWE match as he was
released soon after (RIP L).
Shit this is the type of match that has that shitty stipulation where in order
to win you have to touch all 4 corners, the evil stip that made a Henry vs
Sheamus match absolute shit. This actually wasn’t THAT bad, it still was pretty
mediocre because the strap match stipulation limits what the workers can do so
much. The strap itself was used well in the match which means that if they didn’t
have to use that fucking four corner rule then the match would actually be
pretty damn entertaining. They did what they could though and while most of the
match was spent laboring back and forth between ring posts, it certainly could
have been much more boring. I personally thought the ending was awesome, Punk
hits the GTS on Umaga and essentially collapses into the 4th ring
post for the win. It was an exciting ending and a surprising one as I thought
Umaga picked up the win to set up Punks big moment later a la Seth Rollins, but
Punk needed the win against a monster like Umaga so I liked him winning. Decent
match that could have been much much worse.
Score: **1/2
Match #4: Tommy Dreamer vs Christian vs Jack Swagger in a
hardcore match
Interesting match here, I didn’t know that Dreamer was still
wrestling with the WWE in 2009 tbh, thought he had retired by then, this should
be decent just based on the fact that its hard to find a bad 2009 match
featuring my man CHRISTIAN. This was a really good match just because of the
story they told in the ring, it was basically Tommy Dreamer channeling his past
and going all out in a hardcore ECW esque match to keep his career alive. I
personally thought that while the action in the ring wasn’t fantastic, it
worked as a hybrid between a hardcore spotfest and a good story told in the
ring, something you don’t see too often, and it made up for the workers not
putting on a very good performance in the ring in technical terms. Dreamer
winning the ECW title was a nice moment, probably the last old ECW guy to hold
the title before it was retired and it just made his whole career come full
circle I guess, even if Christian would win it back relatively soon. The match
was entertaining and was a good emotional victory for Dreamer, and sometimes
you gotta take that over awesome wrestling skills.
Score: ***
Match #5: Santina Marella vs Vickie Guerrero and Chavo
Guerrero in a hog pen match
Yeah my new promise is to not skip matches when I review
shows, even if they are literally the worst sounding matches ever, such as this
match which takes place in like a mud pit, who thinks of this shit? There's
not much I can say about this tbh, its basically the grossest match possible
with mud and pig slop being thrown throughout the match, I don’t think too
highly of Chavo but even he deserves more then this shit, just terrible.
Score: DUD OF ALL DUDS
Match #6: Batista vs Randy Orton in a steel cage
This is what we almost got as our WM 30 main event (thank
you Bryan). Going in I wanted this to be relatively short due to the match not
sounding like it would be very good, but 7 minutes for a WWE title match? That’s
a joke, especially in a stipulation like the steel cage. The match was ok for
the time it got, Orton and Batista don’t have the best chemistry but they did
an average job here, especially given the time they got was so limited. Was
also surprised Flair didn’t make any sort of appearance due to his involvement in
the feud, but maybe Orton beat him so badly that he was just selling the
injury? Anyway this was just an average RAW match with a cage involved, in the
end Batista hit a Batista Bomb and won the match. Honestly, why use this
stipulation if the finish is just going to be a standard finisher for a pin?
Seems like a waste of a usually decent stipulation to me. Anyway average match,
not very good or very bad and they didn’t really have the time to develop any
sort of story, like I said, felt like a RAW match for most of it. Batista wins
the title only 2 months after Randy gets his big main event win at mania, short
title reigns seemed to dominate 2009-2010 so I guess it’s nothing out of the
ordinary.
Score: **1/2
Match #7: John Cena vs The Big Show in a submission match
Ugh, these two have
the worst matches, and I can already see the terrible STF with Cole
marking out, this will probably get tons of times too L. My WWE network stream kept
freezing throughout this as if god was telling me THIS MATCH SUCKS STAY away, I
probably should have listened. This match is basically exactly what you would
expect it to be, a pretty boring slow match that in the end Cena overcomes the
odds against the giant. These Cena vs Show matches are always booked as CENA
CANT WIN, but has Show ever actually beaten Cena on PPV? Pretty sure these
matches exist just to have Cena overcome the odds and be super Cena at his finest.
I don’t mind Cena most of the time but this was just way too obvious of a
finish and I don’t like Show at all but these two simply have zero chemistry.
They would wrestle on PPV once more in 2012 and that sucked too, and they’ve
stayed away from each other since for the most part, but this was just awful
stuff.
Score: *
Match #8: Jeff Hardy vs Edge in a ladder match
If it wasn’t for the great IC title match this would
probably me my match of the night, which certainly isn’t saying much given this
lackluster card but this was pretty much exactly the kind of match you’d expect
from these two in a ladder match. Some good callbacks to the early 2000’s TLC
days and plenty of exciting spots throughout the match. I thought they did a
good job at making sure both guys got good offense in, and both men seemed like
they legitimately beat the crap out of each other. The selling is what you’d
expect from these guys who basically just act like whatever crazy spot they
just took absolutely knocked them out, which I guess makes sense given the
violence of the spots themselves. Ending to the match was really weird, with
Edge basically just getting stuck in the ladder while Hardy wins, kind of a
stupid finish tbh after the pure violence that these men had taken throughout
the match. Crowd really wanted Hardy to win so that ended the show on a happy
moment right?
Score: ***1/4
WAIT! CM PUNK IS CASHING IN!!!
Match #9: CM Punk vs Jeff Hardy
Hardy actually stays alive through this short match, kind of
a good way to make sure this became a feud and not just a squash and move on.
Punk obviously wins this and gets his second World Championship reign, this one
was much better then the first one though
and led to an excellent program with Hardy.
Rating: N/A